blogusMaximus

Problem: Poverty
Solution: Fewer people

Problem: Hunger
Solution: Fewer people and/or plant some corn, you bum!

Problem: Small penis
Solution: Small vagina and a lot of time spent feeling lonely

Problem: Small vagina
Solution: Trick question, you’re a woman

Problem: Dropped phone in toilet
Solution: Shit/piss in your pants

Problem: Microsoft Exchange won’t synchronize
Solution: Don’t write emails while you’re masturbating

Problem: My car won’t start
Solution: Walk, you lazy bastard

Problem: It’s too cold in here
Solution: Open the refrigerator – do the math

Problem: Dilapidated inner-city infrastructure
Solution: Tout your city to tourists as a “third world experience” right in your own backyard

Problem: Lack of world peace
Solution: Annihilate anyone and everyone who disagrees with your group

Problem: Balanced budgets
Solution: Any of the -ism’s

Problem: National debt
Solution: Mine for gold and bauxite, then initiate worthless, bloated government programs to spend the proceeds

Problem: Ingrown toenail
Solution: Wheelchair

Problem: Hairy genitals
Solution: Tweezers

Problem: Regulated internet
Solution: Ham radio

Problem: Paper cut
Solution: Don’t be a fag

Problem: Afghanistan
Solution: Iran or PRK

Problem: Stagnant wages
Solution: Start your own company so you can pay your employees as little as possible. Then complain that your workers are overpaid and lazy until you’re finally forced to outsource to India then go bankrupt because the work is so shoddy and you have to find a new job unless your company grew large enough to provide you with a golden parachute and enough contacts to land another executive gig at some random tech firm which you then proceed to drive straight into the ground because you are a whiny bitch.

Problem: Glass ceiling
Solution: How do you know it’s there if you can’t even see it? Oh, that’s the point?

Problem: Cancer
Solution: Heart attack

Problem: Dog shit on floor
Solution: Export to China as livestock

Problem: Pen leaked on shirt
Solution: Polka dot shirt

Problem: Water crises
Solution: Rain and/or watersports (thanks a lot, Germany)

Problem: Highlighter ran out of ink
Solution: Underline or circle

Problem: Pollution
Solution: Build an immunity

Problem: Global warming
Solution: Take off your jacket and build a boat

Problem: Stupidity
Solution: Read Google

Problem: Obesity
Solution: It’s genetics

Problem: Species extinction
Solution: There weren’t that many of them around, anyways

Problem: Space travel
Solution: Time travel

Problem: Drug wars
Solution: Taxes

Problem: Drought
Solution: Government subsidized water

Problem: Chlamydia
Solution: Antibiotics, then get back on the strange field and play, playa! No one gets chlamydia anymore! did you pick that up on a Cambodian fishing boat or something?

Problem: Inflating CPI
Solution: Credit cards

Problem: Not enough lawyer-type jobs these days
Solution: The problem is the solution within the problem apart from the solution itself

Problem: Printer is out of ink
Solution: Use a typewriter

Problem: Facebook
Solution: Short it

Problem: Boredom
Solution: Solve the world’s problems in 15 minutes or less. Done.

blogusMaximus

Jane Austen lives!

Mutant nippleless women

Learning Something Once in a While for a Year…

Learning Something New Every Day for a Year: Day 2

Learning something new every day for one year. Day 1.

theoutdoordealhunter.com

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